Why a sling is my favourite thing

I read too many books when I was pregnant, caught up in fevered dreaming of the mother I was going to become. I would be gentle, I decided, responsive, attached. I read Penelope Leach and William Sears, Sue Gerhardt and Sheila Kitzinger. I believed that if I was assertive and prepared enough, I would be able to have a positive natural birth.

Pre-natal reading

I decided to set myself one seemingly simple objective – I’d try not to let my baby cry. I would hold her, breastfeed her, respond to her, keep her close day and night. I would not let her go hungry, or feel cold or lonely. I’d do everything I could to meet her needs and make her happy.

Of course, all the birth preparation in the world can’t prevent preterm premature rupture of the membranes. I was stuck in latent labour for 5 days, compounded by increasingly painful interventions, until D’s faltering heart necessitated an emergency dash to theatre, where she was hauled out with a pair of forceps. I suffered a major haemorrhage during the delivery, and D was unexpectedly tiny and a bit bashed up from her rough journey into the world. I attempted to feed her, but was soon too weak to hold her because of my blood loss. Within hours she developed hypoglycaemia and I had to lie and helplessly watch a nursery nurse force a teat into her mouth and fill her little tummy with formula.

D spent the next night of her life away from me. I needed a 9 hour blood transfusion and was too ill to hold her. The midwives took her off while it happened, fed her from a bottle and passed her around between themselves. In the ward I could hear newborn babies crying everywhere. My mind raced; was it my child crying for me? I realised I didn’t even know her cry, couldn’t recall her face, had barely inhaled her delicate smell. I began to wonder if I had even given birth, or was still pregnant and just dreaming some terrible nightmare.

I slowly felt myself come back to life as the strangers’ blood drip dripped down into my veins. I was able to feel my limbs, lift myself out of bed. I desperately needed to be close to my child. I rang the buzzer and begged the midwife to bring her back to me.

When we were reunited D was yellow and sleepy.  I laid her on my chest, her tiny cheek pressed against my heart, and together we just fed and slept and slept and fed. But the paediatrician kept coming and taking blood from her heels, told me she was jaundiced and needed phototherapy. For two days my little baby was strapped in a biliblanket, on top of a UV light. I would only get her out to feed her or change her nappy. It was agony to suppress my need to hold her, to keep her close. I hunched by her crib for hours, holding her tiny hand to try and keep attached to her. She weighed 5lb1oz and was fragile as a little bird.

D in her phototherapy pod

Holding hands

Eventually we were allowed home from hospital, but I was slow to heal. I was badly stitched and in pain for weeks as a result. D had a tongue tie and breastfeeding was painful too. She started being a sick a lot, and cried for hours on end. Colic, the Health Visitor told me. She’s sick because she’s overfeeding. Try giving her less milk. Breastfeed more, the midwife said. It’ll help her get over the jaundice. Try massaging her tummy, try infacol, try gripe water.

D continued to cry a lot, and be sick a lot. Al went back to work and I tried to do all the things those books had told me – I breastfed on demand, I kept her close all day and all night. I cuddled her all I could. She still cried, and I held fast to the belief that her cries meant something, that she was trying to communicate an unmet need to me. I felt like a failure. Maybe she was crying because of her awful birth, or because I didn’t hold her enough in her first few days. Because I let those midwives take her away, because strangers fed her when she needed me. However I tried to soothe her, nothing worked.  She cried and cried.

I had read about ‘babywearing’ in the Dr Sears Baby Book when I pregnant. To be honest, of all the tenets of Attachment Parenting™, it was the one I felt least sure of. It seemed pretty out there – surely it would be exhausting and awkward having your child tied to you all the time? I remember looking at the lovely soft moses basket I had set up and thinking, I’m sure my baby will love lying in there. Of course, D simply hated the moses basket. She screamed if you laid her down, and threw up if she was laid flat on her back. After a few days of trying, I gave up trying to settle her in there, and the basket sat unused for the rest of her infancy.

When I was pregnant I bought a secondhand Moby wrap on the recommendation of a friend. I’d been too scared to put D in it at first, because of her low birth weight and fragile little limbs. But I soon realised that her reflux meant she was unable to sleep when laid flat, and she needed to be held upright for 20 minutes after every feed. I was feeding her every two hours, for 40 minutes at a time, and if she was set down for even a second she started screaming. I had read other mothers singing the praises of slings for helping them cope with refluxy colicky babies, and by this point I was willing to give anything a go.

I wound the fabric round me, scrutinising the instruction leaflet closely, and failed to get it right several times. Eventually I felt brave enough to put D in. She was having a particularly bad day, and I was utterly exhausted from the lack of sleep, the marathon painful cluster feeds, the mountains of laundry, the fact I’d been living off hobnobs and dried almonds for the best part of a week. As her tiny body was enveloped by the soft fabric she instantly relaxed. She gave two tiny wails, turned her head to one side, and fell promptly asleep.

First cwtch in the sling

I sat down on the sofa and drank a whole cup of tea. Then I made another one and drank all of that. I put the washing machine on. I put my feet up and watched a whole episode of Homes Under the Hammer. D woke up, and I fed and changed her. She cried a lot as I dressed her again. I still had the Moby tied around me, and I picked her up and popped her straight back in. She was instantly peaceful, and within a minute she was asleep.

Probably drinking tea

As I sat there, feeling her little body perfectly nestled against mine, my heart began to shake. I felt this huge, all-encompassing tidal wave of love crash over me. I cried and cried as the oxytocin poured through my body, overwhelming me with how much I loved my little girl, as I saw just how beautiful and perfect she was. I realised that I never had that magic moment so many parents get when their baby is first born. I never had that instant rush of love. I’d felt fiercely protective of her, but somehow joyless too. Suddenly, belatedly, I was experiencing a feeling of love like I had never known.

The Moby wrap became the very best thing I ever spent £20 on. I put it on first thing when I got up, and carried D as much as I could. We walked for miles, explored mountaintops and woods and waterfalls.

It became a place of peace and happiness that helped us get through those tough early months. Every time I cwtched her up she would fall asleep listening to my heart beat. That blissful oxytocin buzz would kick in again and I would be reminded anew of how wonderful motherhood can be.

D still suffered from reflux and ‘colic’ until she was 6 months old, when we discovered she had multiple food allergies, which were making her sick and causing her to be in constant pain. Her tongue tie had been divided and breastfeeding was going well, so we both embarked on an exclusion diet, and within weeks her symptoms disappeared and she was happy, healthy and thriving.

Around this time she had finally grown too big and strong for our beloved Moby and I began to explore the world of woven wraps. Nearly a year later, I still carry her every day and it is a huge and wonderful part of our lives. I really enjoy helping other parents take their first steps into babywearing, especially if they’re dealing with a poorly, colicky child. Using a sling has helped both of us cope through a very painful and difficult time, and it enables me to be the loving, responsive mother I dreamed I would be. People often comment on the strong bond that D and obviously share, and I am sure carrying her has helped to foster that.

D rarely sleeps in the sling now. She wants to be involved in everything I am doing, and the sling is her platform for doing just that. But every so often, she will ask to get up just so she can snuggle in. And as I feel her suck her thumb, nestle in and place her ear over my heart, that tidal wave of love comes rushing round us both again, as strong as the first time I ever wrapped her up.

Happy

Wrapping with pure wool

It was my birthday last week, and there was only one answer when my partner asked what I would like as a gift from him and D. Another sling, of course.

I’d come across Cwtch baby slings when I was searching for a ring sling earlier in the year. The folksy shop featured pure wool ring slings, hand made in Wales. The slings looked stunning but I must admit the wool frightened me a bit.

I’d seen posters on the sling forums telling horror stories of accidentally felted wraps, or pilling and shrinking from regular wear. I’ve killed more than one cashmere cardie in my time. Could I be trusted with something as expensive and delicate as a woolly sling?

In the end I chose a different ring sling, but the loveliness of the Cwtch slings stayed in my mind. I’ve been reading up on the history of babywearing in Wales, seeking out photos of people in times gone by, cwtching up their babies Welsh-fashion.

 

Source: Pinterest

 I love Firespirals, not only for their extraordinary wrapping qualities, but the ethical, local provenance of their slings.  The idea of owning a sling both woven and sewn in Wales really appealed to me. I decided to contact Laura, the lady behind Cwtch baby slings, to find out more about the textiles she uses.

She very kindly sent me a sample of her latest woven material. She’d branched out into wraps as well as ring slings and the fabric she sent me could be sewn into a full wrap if I wished. It wasn’t what I expected – it was light, airy, and had a slight stretch. The colours, a rainbow of shades, were calmed and warmed by an earthy dark brown warp. I was astonished at how reasonably priced they were too – starting at £45 for a size 2. I placed my order for a size three that morning.

Laura sewed the sling and posted it to me within a week, but I had to hand the parcel to Al once it arrived, so he could give it to me on my birthday. It was hard knowing there was a new sling in the house and not being able to get my hands on it.

I open the wrap over breakfast and marvelled at how light it was. Laura had finished it with pointed tapers justified to the centre of the wrap rather than at an angle. I popped D up in a quick ruck. I usually avoid rucks as my daughter is extremely wriggly and a very determined seat popper. The first thing I noticed about this wrap is how strong and grippy it is. Once D’s seat was tucked in and tied off, she was simply unable to push her way out of it. The grippiness also meant it was incredibly supportive. My 18lb toddler simply felt weightless. I’ve would never have thought such a thin wrap could distribute weight so well, with no hint of digginess at all.

 We spent my birthday down the Gower, walking one of Wales’ most stunning beaches. I carried D in a mixed pass back carry with candy cane chest belt. The size 3 was just long enough to tie off with no tails hanging down. Although it was a sunny day the wind was fresh, and the wool kept us both cosy without needing a jumper. Out in the September sun the beautiful colours of the wool really stood out.

The climb down to Rhossili is long and steep, and the beach is 3 miles long so we did plenty of walking that afternoon. D continued to feel weightless in the wrap, although I had to pop her up and down so she could collect shells, grub in the sand and practice her walking between cuddles with me. The wrap folds down really small when not in use, so I could easily pop it in my handbag.

In the week since this sling has become my go-to wrap for rucks. It is by far the most supportive and grippy shortie I own. In fact, it has completely cured me of my woolly worries. I am even starting to wonder about the wrapping qualities of things other than sheep’s wool. Alpaca maybe? Baby camel?

You can buy Cwtch Baby Slings via her Folksy site